Rainbowhope rules

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Do not edit or delete any else's words- just make a new entry and sign it.

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Rainbowhope rules Conflicts on the board Nominated/new rules Established Conflict rules Triggering post rules

 

Conflicts on the board

 

Nominated/new rules

 

When a mod sees a conflict

 

When a mod sees a thread in conflict please

 

a/ Make a post explaining that you are locking the thread (and have Lex or enari lock the thread) and give the email for coco, pixie or another mod (posted in the mod forum at rh) for them to contact both of us (in case one is not home).

 

b/ Then please create a thread in the peacekeeping and tech forum and direct them to it to have them reconcile. We want to remove the members from the context of the arguement and agree to disagree. We all have the right to our opinion, but we also care about each other more than being 'right' in an arguement. pixie

 

 

For mods:

 

If you see a conflict thread and don't know how to deal with it please make a post stating

"THIS THREAD IS CLOSED DUE TO A CONFLICT. PLEASE DO NOT POST FURTHER MESSAGES."

AND then paste coco's message on conflict (below) into the same reply so everyone will read the RH conflict policy.

 

Then please pm lex and enari asking them to lock the thread. Contact the other mods as well to start a thread in the peacekeeping forum to discuss the problem.

 

thanks, pix

 

When a member sees a conflict

Please email coco, pixie, rainbowhopemessages@yahoo.com or another mod immediately so we can help. There is a post at the top of the general and triggering sections with all these emails listed.

 

Established Conflict rules

Questions have been asked about conflicts on the board, PM and chat.

 

The rules about communication on RH is pretty basic... just like in real life, it all centers around respect...

 

Whats difficult sometimes is that conflict can arise despite both participant's being respectful.

 

Sometimes we simply disagree... but disagreeing on important things can hurt even if its done in respect.

 

Sometimes we misunderstand what someone says, because of a history that is unknown and because written words can easily lack the softening effect that spoken words can have.

 

Sometimes we take something personnal when its not meant to be.

 

Sometimes we read between the lines a message that isnt there or isnt meant to be there.

 

Sometimes we lack the perfect wording and end up sounding differently than we mean, either too direct or not enough sensitive... when really its simply a question of words.

 

Sometimes we are simply on different planes of communication, one person talking about a personal experience on a more "emotional" level and the other, speaking in general about a hypothetical situation or abstract ideas on a more "intellectual" level.

 

Sometimes we say too much or too quickly and sometimes we say too little... or too late.

 

Basically, we are all HUMAN.

 

Conflict can and WILL arise here because we are all different and are communicating, It is impossible that it doesnt... and wouldnt be normal anyway, And it has more chances to arise in IM or in chat, because we have a closer contact and because sometimes we spend less time thinking about what we say when there isnt 50 people reading after us....

 

Now here are a few ideas to minimize the gravity of conflicts that arise.

 

• When you feel hurt by what someone says, consider the possibility that it was accidental or a misunderstanding.

 

• When you feel hurt, try to voice your position by verifying what you understood with the person to give her the chance to clarify or simply explain what she meant and how she meant it. If after voicing your discomfort, the other person respects your position, you will know that it wasnt aimed at hurting you. If on the other hand the person doesnt respect your position, you will know for sure that you are facing a situation that is potentially dangerous for you.

 

• Always remember that we are all equal... but that we may not always have the same abilities or availability. We are all healing and we can all have limits as to what we can hear or support someone through. Nobody can solely support someone else through things as difficult as what we all have been through. That is why forum exists, as a group we can support someone through almost anything... as individuals we are not nearly as strong, as wise or as able to be there for someone else. We need to remember this both as the supporter... and as the supported.

 

• Self harm and suicide issues are very triggering and sensitive and this for everyone. Because of this we remind you that if you need help with these issues, it is better both for you and for others to seek that support with professionals.

 

• We are all responsible for what we say or do when communicating with others on this board. This includes alters of DID systems. No matter what our status is, if we chose to participate in RH, we agree to respect the others. In essence, participating in a group such as RH entails that we are responsible adults and that we can control our emotions and what we do with them. It wouldnt be helpful for an alter who has a hard time controlling her emotions to come here and face a form of failiure and perhaps even rejection if they go overboard and express anger or frustration in a disrespectful manner because they are unable to contain themselves. We understand that some alters may have stopped growing at certain levels of developement where that form of control has not been achieved, and we certainly do recognize that their anger is very valid and deserves to be heard. However this may not be the best place for these individuals. One thing that can perhaps be a compromise is for someone else in the system to give a voice to alters who cannot do it by themselves... like a mother accompanies her child in things that they are not yet able to do by themselves.

 

• When you feel that you are being threatened, harmed or otherwise disrespected in chat, Pm or on forum, dont stay alone with the issue and contact a manager. We are available to assist you. Keep everything that is written as it willl greatly help in resolving the issue.

 

• If you feel that a conflict has evolved and gotten out of hand and that you are unable to manage it on your own, you can ask for manager's support also. We will not judge the parties in conflict as we understand life and that conflicts are a part of life. We will only seek to support both parties in getting to a point where they can both feel more at ease.

 

I welcome your suggestions for further "how to avoid or reduce conflict tips"

 

Moderator (C)

 

 

Triggering post rules

I came and read some of what was posted about the issue of making the difference between the various folders on forum and decided to post a few guidelines & answers.

 

1. Why do we have a folder for triggering material?

 

For many different reasons, some of us may sometime need to stay away from issues that deal closely with violence and abuse. However, we may still want \ need to come to Rainbow hope to seek general support, sisterhood and friendship. The triggering folder is a way to keep the triggering stuff seperated from the non-triggering, in order to allow those who need to write about triggering issues to feell like they can do so without fear of upsetting others in the process.

 

 

2. What constitutes triggering material ?

 

Talking about events of violence, memories, nightmares...

Any sort of venting

Talking about strong emotions (anger, fear, sadness...)...

Talking about body- related or injury-related issues...

Posts using strong language.

 

Basically, we want to provide a space for everyone, both those who need the space to express difficult things and those who seek support but feel that they should not read triggering issues for a reason or another.

 

If in doubt, feel free to send me your post before posting it and I will let you know if it is triggering or not.

 

And if you feel that a post is in the wrong section, email me and i will move it. Its normal that newbies or everyone for that matter can make a mistake once in a while!